Which one am I promoting if I were to, let’s say – and I’m not saying I HAVE mind you – bought inspirational, encouragement cards from Whole Foods and signed them “With Love, The Universe”. After which I inserted them into ziplock sandwich baggies because – I know it’s crazy – it’s SNOWING here in Chicago. Again. (Please let my sump-pump work in the spring, please oh pretty please God!).
The plan was – um – er – idea is to slip a card under the windshield wiper of seven cars. Beeee-cause I may or may not have seven of these cards in my possession.
Let’s dispense with the secrecy. I am suppose to blog here what I’ve done. But my imagination has many voices (scary I know, even for me) and many strength levels; the one I’m hearing today is of the steroidal bastard. HE says, what if one of those people gets in their car. They see a ziplock baggie on their windshield, a hand drawn smiley face on it facing them. On a day like today, in this day and age, it can read “creepy” and “stalker” without even opening it.
The recipient gets out of their car on this low visibility day, cautiously, and retrieves the baggie. Once opened here’s an example of what one might find:
(outside) “Life is a pure flame and we live by an invisible sun within us.” – Sir Thomas Browne
(inside) “Go set the world on fire.”
And it’s signed by someone claiming to be “The Universe”.
Are they smiling? Is that EXACTLY the message they needed to hear this day? Are they wondering who they know that might have done such a cute thing? OR…
Are they looking over their shoulder, wondering if someone is following them? Someone they know? Someone they don’t know? Are they thinking of the ex who just won’t stop pestering them to the point of harassment? And now this??? OR…
Are they on the edge, barely hanging on to sanity or that shred of goodwill toward their fellows or that sliver of hope that life will improve? Are they only loosely connected to reality and rational behavior; feeling fuzzy like snow falling, SIZZLING, onto fiery coals in the middle of an ice forest?
WHAT IF SOMEONE ACTUALLY GOES OUT AND SETS THE WORLD ON FIRE???!!!???!!!
You will never see a blog go black faster.
These dark imaginings most likely stem from certain similarities in behavior despite the entirely opposite motivation. I did case my neighborhood thoroughly. I purposely looked for cars that said, “we’re making it work” or “fighting the good fight”.
One in front of the Catholic school. Two older model vehicles, one probably the oldest Volvo I’ve ever seen, in the local inn’s parking lot. A Hyundai most definitely belonging to a college student parked at the local art center (college stickers in rear window). Three in the grocery store parking lot. Way to the rear. Most likely employees. One of whom, I surmised, had to be a parent of a young girl based on the stuffed Dachshund with the pink doggie jacket easily visible in the rear dashboard.
BELIEVE me I only briefly glanced to be sure no one was sitting, waiting in the vehicles before I scooted some snow off the glass and slipped the baggie under the wiper, driver’s side, smiley face side ready to greet.
After sealing the cards I had no idea which car was going to get which message. If the miserable, arsonist gets the “Live your dream” card, we’re all still screwed.
And what if, in this crappy weather, they start their car and the wipers start clapping, and while they’re trying to text, or snapchat, or instagram the card just gets “shooshed” to the ground?
What if they’re yapping on the phone, see the card, grab it, throw it in the back seat and it gets summarily tossed out with the empty McDonald’s bags?
But Pollyana is NO shrinking violet. She is the smiliest-sweetest-rose-tinted-silver-lining-wearing-Buddha-loving-TENACIOUS-BITCH you will ever come to know if you ever decide to befriend or court her (though usually I find her to be more inherent in DNA or manifested from one’s neurological defense cache, perhaps due to extreme emotional stress. Regardless, people don’t CHOOSE her…she usually does the choosing).
What Pollly says, the chime of her voice slicing through all the frenetic, Woody Allen, neurotic, FEAR like Skylanders’ Giant, Ninjini (Google her, she’s deceptively badass!), is….
“What if the card is, for even one of them, EXACTLY what they needed today? What if they needed words for someone else? What if this improved their mood, their outlook, their level of hope just enough, a smidge even, that they didn’t lose their shit when their kid spilled milk at dinner? Or they were able to pull the plug, THIS DAY on a relationship that was holding them back? Or they declared their truth. Finally. What if?”.
I may never know.
I will, however, be following world news a little more closely for a while.