When I moved to Chicago 2-1/2 years ago, I was a 42 year old, miserably married woman who’d left the land of her dreams in attempt to save her marriage while providing extended family memories to her children. But I was hot. I part-time smoked clove cigarettes, hardly ate, ran and kick boxed. I loved boho-chic a la Kate Hudson and wore my wide legged jeans and crazy tresses proud.
Oh how I have been humbled. A happier marriage and inclement weather 9 months out of the year plus the fact that I’ve pulled my narcissistic and self-pitying head out of my *ss and recommitted my attentions to the development of my children means…I remain 12 pounds heavier than my clothes will allow. That doesn’t sound bad, but refusing to buy new clothes, means I’m living in sweats and snow boots these days. And 12 pounds is problematic for someone as CLINICALLY vain as I can be. Am. Whatever.
Then, following noticeable hair loss the likes I haven’t seen since I nursed my son, a menstrual cycle that came 15 days apart from my last, and exhaustive, moody, rage spikes (PPMS = Perpetual PMS) I FINALLY connected those dots. I’m 45. NOT 35 as some deep rooted-gender-bending-Peter-Pan-voice insists. Turns out I’m most likely experiencing the fun of perimenopause.
I haven’t seen a doctor yet. This is based on good old fashioned GOOGLE RESEARCH. Of course I didn’t have to type far/much. The search engines came SCREAMING back at me before I even finished typing my query.
I need this blog MORE than FREAKIN’ ever. My insides have to mean more than how youthful or desirable I am (NOT). My legacy to my children and this life cannot be rows of dusty, wide-legged, arrogantly priced California denim.
Still, I am not ready for hormone therapy, anti-depressants, extra facial hair and God forbid ANOTHER 12 pounds.
So, I research holistic solutions.
Traditional Chinese Medicine here I come.
As for my blog…
…more Google research.
Found some really cool stuff. Plotting my deeds, gonna research them and schedule. Hopefully serendipity will collude.
That’s my service today. Strategizing, like I said I would, to be more efficacious in my deeding.
And giving shout out to some inspiring bloggers with the same idea.
Maybe better even.
Dear collective consciousness, save me from my trivial self with the oh-so-NOT-trivial life and responsibility and blessing of raising two amazing little human beings. Dear blog, dear universe…
In the meantime I’ll keep searching.